And now for the truth!

When you are pregnant, no one tells you what a challenge babies are. They tell you about the joy and the love and the amazing feeling of being the person this little life wants to be with more than anything. Those things are all true! But babies can really be difficult much of the time. Please don't get me wrong - I am happier now than ever in my life. I feel whole in the presence of my little girl, and her smile makes my heart melt. I adore her and wouldn't change anything about her or my life thus far. Well, I might change a few things....

1. Infants don't "sleep through the night."
People who say their 3 week old baby is sleeping through the night are doing one of a few things: lying, confusing what "sleeping through the night" means, raising a magical cyborg child, or not getting any sleep him/herself while comforting baby to sleep every 15 minutes. Luna spent her first week in the NICU, on a perfect schedule and sleeping like a rock. In the hospital, babies sleep on their stomachs, which every baby finds more cozy than this back-to-sleep nonsense. They are also on heart monitors, so there's no SIDS to worry about. At home, she was placed on her back and left alone - and she didn't sleep at all. Not during the day, not at night, never, unless we were holding her. Never. Not in her bassinet, not in a swing, a bouncy seat, a blanket on the floor, in a sling - never. Only when we held her. So for 9 (yes, NINE) weeks after she got home, I pretty much let her sleep on me. I nestled myself on the couch, tucked a blanket tightly around us to keep her glued to my chest, and slept perfectly.
Then she weighed 9 pounds, and the pain developing in my rib cage when I awoke to her drooling face told me that those days were over. Now, after hard work and sweat and tears (not really, she actually took to it well. Age makes a difference, folks), she slept first next to me in her fancy vibrating chair that reclines into a snuggly bed, and now in her crib for the past week. But she's 12 weeks old now, almost 13 weeks, and she can eat a lot less. She also naps a lot, but never in her crib for more than 20 minutes. If I hold her or put her in her chair or some weird space in my Mom's house, she'll sleep for hours.
Oh yeah, and she wakes up between 2am and 4am every night to eat. I really don't mind at all, because sleeping from around 8 or 9pm until 2 or 3am is amazing. That's Luna's version of sleeping through the night.

2. Babies do not care if you want them to be on a schedule. Seriously. Not even a little.
If you asked me how often Luna eats, I'd blankly recite "5 ounces every 4 hours." But that's a big lie, of course. If she wants food at 3 hours, I feed her. If she sleeps through a feeding, she eats later (I don't wake her up to eat... the adage "Don't wake a sleeping baby" is very true, unless she is like mine and not gaining weight after birth. Once they're chunking up, don't wake them!). If she wants 5 ounces, she drinks it. If she screams for another 1/2 ounce I give it to her. If she falls asleep after 4 ounces so be it. She does what she wants, and I am okay with that - but schedules are out the window, and my obsession to be early everywhere now equals either me leaving 10 minutes EARLIER than usual, or being late. Sigh.

3. Babies are completely bizarre in what makes them sleep.
Give Luna a quiet, dimly lit room at 68-70 degrees and a nice snuggly swaddle - and she will scream like a maniac and not sleep. Turn on a TV and an air conditioner as the lawn mower goes outside and someone rings your doorbell, in a room too cold for me to sit in without a sweater - out like a light. We went to the carnival the other night fairly late for Luna, around 7. I figured she'd be horrible, cranky and fussy, and we'd turn around and leave. She cried in the car but we found parking and tried it out. As soon as the bright lights of the ferris wheel and the screaming sounds of the carnival speakers hit her stroller, she fell fast asleep and didn't wake up for hours. Bizarre.

4. Never, ever read the internet and expect your baby to follow the rules.
Look, I read Babycenter.com and Dr. Sears and all the other crap online. I read it to comfort myself that my baby is not in fact a complete weirdo, but I quickly stopped reading it for factual information. My child does not sleep if she's put down awake and then proceed to gently lull herself to sleep. Shut up, Dr. Sears. My baby did not smile at 6 weeks. Shut up, endless (probably lying) women on message boards. My Luna rolled from back to side in 8 days, held her head up at 45 degrees for 60 seconds nearly at birth, and can punch you in the face hard enough for you to reel backward, but she took about 10 full weeks to smile, and just started swatting at things at 13 weeks. Babies do NOT fit into a mold, and the internet is full of lies that will stress you out and terrify you. Ignore everything, unless you're just entertaining yourself on your smartphone while a baby sleeps on your chest.

Finally, 5. Babies are absolutely endless entertainment.
Luna is beautiful. She is the smartest baby in the world, makes the funniest faces, and loves us more than any child ever loved their parents. And you think the same of your baby. I can stare at Luna's crazy facial expressions, balled-up fists, and squinty smile all day and night. If I didn't have to occasionally stretch or regain sanity, I'd hold her every minute of every day. Babies are absolute perfection, even when you have a baby who spits up every 10 minutes (and we don't have a washer or dryer! Fun!), or who has reflux and gas bad enough that she squeals in pain just as you put her down to sleep, or who will not stop crying for hours for no apparent reason. Babies are amazing, miraculous creatures who grow and change every moment in front of your eyes.

But please, don't let ANYONE tell you they're easy.

While I have a moment - my birth story

Well, it is April 1st, six days after my due date, and as I sit on the couch with my little girl asleep on my chest and snoring away, I figured I'd use the time to write a bit about my journey so far with this little girl.

Let's rewind to February 21, 2012. It was a regular Tuesday, and Matt and I had a million things to do. We had scheduled a hospital tour for that night, and I had a meeting with the holistic birthing consultant, Heidi,  in the morning. In the middle we had an appointment to interview a pediatrician's office to get ready for the baby, who was not coming until end of March, but we wanted to be ready!! Matt had randomly taken that and the next day off as an extended President's day holiday, so we got lots done. We finished the day at Moe's Southwest, a place kind of like Qdoba only better. After our hospital tour I headed to bed early - being 35 weeks pregnant is tiring!

At midnight I woke up to use the bathroom and noticed some water, but figured I could wait until morning to deal with a possible leak of fluid, I was seeing the OB the next day! However, a trikle turned to a flood and I realized that at 35 weeks 2 days, my water had officially broken.

Matt was still awake playing a game on the computer, so I put on my calmest face and said, "So, Matt? My water broke. Don't panic!" Well, he panicked. I cleaned myself up and called the doctor. Since I hadn't gotten my strep B test yet, and I was 5 weeks early, we needed to make our way to the hospital right away and get me on an IV drip to make sure everything went well. There went my holistic and all-natural birthing - no walking around allowed, no waiting at home until I was in active labor, no doing things my way. Baby had officially begun ruling the roost.

We got to the hospital around 12:45 am on the 22nd, and I wasn't feeling anything except wet. By 2am, that had changed and contractions kicked in hard and fast. I was only 2-3cm but my body had kicked into gear. Matt took a load off to get some rest in anticipation for a long day, and I settled in and tried to deal with the growing pain.

By 4am, I was in active labor, and progressing fairly fast. Unfortunately I was not prepared at all, and between the lack of being ready and the early labor being stressful and scary, my blood pressure began to increase, and I wasn't able to calm myself down. The nurses said to wait until 7am when Dr. Coven would be in to check my progress, and then consider an epidural to lessen the stress and get some rest.

So that's what I did. At 7am I was 5 cm, and we ordered some pain medicine. While we waited the two hours for the anesthesiologist, Matt called my mom and told her not to worry, but that we were in labor. I don’t know what my Mom said or how she reacted, but in a few hours I had an epidural and Matt was asleep, and I was resting with totally numb legs because they used way too much medicine. Also, I couldn’t sleep at all! But my blood pressure normalized once I was no longer in pain, and so I was assured everything would be fine and we were left alone.

By 12pm, I was starving and Matt was starving and anxious, and neither of us knew what was going on. I was scared the epidural would stop my labor, and so the nurse called the doctor to check me again, and I was at 10cm! He lowered the epidural so I could feel what was happening and stepped out the let the nurses set me up. They also called the Newborn Intensive Care Unit (NICU – I think it is Neonatal ICU everywhere else but Valley calls it the Newborn ICU) to standby for my baby girl.We started pushing at around 1:00pm, and while the beginning was easy and everything went quickly, it was soon evident that it would be more work than we all thought.

At 2:41pm, our little girl was born, “Sunny-side up,” or with her face up. Typically Valley hospital is great about letting you hold you new baby right away. Dr. Coven put her on my chest and we got to touch her, but she was very blue and not making much noise, so the NICU nurses took her from us and went to work, warming and suctioning and wiggling her until she let out the first of many piercing cries. Unfortunately, she was in respiratory distress, and they wheeled her away to the NICU. Matt followed to take photos, and I stayed while everything was finished up. 

Of course the NICU was a long and arduous tale.... not really, she progressed well and quickly, and we were soon able to take her home – but that’s another entry for another time. What’s important is we welcomed our baby girl, Luna Clare, into the world, and we haven’t had a chance to look back.

Miss Luna Clare, born 2/22/2012, 5lb 10oz, 19 inches long. Precocious and precious.

January is waning and my belly is expanding

Week 31, halfway to week 32. Holy moley!
I am expanding at an alarming rate, as you can see in this picture from Monday.

And of course, Bumblebee continues to grow. She had the hiccups last night for the first time ever for a good 10 minutes, it was weird and silly... life inside must be a very confusing experience.


Matt and I spent the end of December and beginning of January moving into a new 2-bedroom apartment! Everything is pretty much in place now except for the baby's stuff, although our pile of baby goods is slowly growing on the floor in her room.

I cannot believe that in 9 weeks or so Matt and I will be parents. I guess we technically are already parents, but it doesn't so much feel that way yet. The baby furniture is set to be delivered end of February, and it is highly likely there will be a baby shower in February or early March... once the room is decorated maybe I will feel more like a baby is coming!!

The bedding we are using in baby's room is currently featured in this Vonage commercial which is kind of weird. In case you haven't seen the (kind of hilarious) commercial and wanted a sneak peek, click the words!! =)

Anyway baby time is looming. The main "symptoms" I have right now are the stretching and aching of my growing insides (and the skin on the sides of my body, it feels like my belly is going to tear open sometimes!), and somewhat excruciating pain in my legs at night. I have chronic joint issues, and the added weight is not helping one little bit. I am taking my vitamins and things, and getting some sleep, but around 3am every morning like clockwork my legs/knees/pelvis/hips start aching and no matter what I do they don't get better. The only thing that seems to help is walking around, and then I am usually not able to fall back asleep, so I have been getting my early morning wake-up practice!

Bumblebee is still very active, and is often doing flips and turns as the day wears on. Her most active time is after I drink orange juice - it seems to be her favorite. I didn't even LIKE OJ before I got pregnant and now I cannot get enough. If it wasn't for the sugar content I'd drink it all day.

Can't wait for this little girl to arrive! Matt and I have been singing songs to her and talking to her, and hopefully she will be as silly and goofy as we are when she gets older. I don't think she has a choice, actually - we are a little crazy.

That's all for now. Next week is the Winter play at the school, I am the assistant director which mostly means I watch, add my 2 cents occasionally, and work on things like fliers and programs, which is all just fine with me since I am usually exhausted by the time rehearsal rolls around anyway. I wish I could do the musical this year, hopefully no one will mind if I sneak in to watch some rehearsals.. and maybe I can even attend the show, if I can convince Matt by then that he will not in fact somehow break the baby if left alone. Haha... oh what a ride we are in for!!

xoxo

Christmas and the final countdown!

This weekend marks my sister's birthday and Christmas, and it is always an exciting holiday. And Matt's favorite, except perhaps Halloween. Next Christmas we will have a little girl to think about, but for this year, it is just us and our family, and I hope for a relaxing day.

Next weekend my darling niece Leila turns 1, and it must have been the fastet year ever!

Speaking of time passing swiftly, Monday begins the third trimester, the final stretch. It is amazing that in only these few months two cells became an entire little person! It boggles my mind, and I cannot even fathom seeing her little face. 9 weeks until a safe full term, and 13 until her due date.. The time flies by. We don't even have a crib picked out! We need to get on the ball!

A happy Christmas to all, and a joyful New Year.

Quick update and countdown!

Bee has been kicking and somersaulting like a crazy girl for the last 24 hours, virtually nonstop whenever I am NOT moving. She is impatient, and for good reason...
We are at 99 days until the due date... Less than 100 already, it went so fast!
I have decided that my goal last day of work is march 12. Hopefully I can still waddle the halls by that time. Obviously if the doctor says no then I will do what I'm told, but I'd like to be paid as long as possible. If I feel great my goal can change but i think 38 weeks is a noble goal for having to be on my feet about 5 hours a day.

That's all. Done with Christmas shopping at last, as soon as all my shipments come in I can wrap and then relax!

The entry where I'm bad at updating, and where I talk about sleeping and Riverdance.

I am bad at updating. The problem with smart phones is you never go on the actual computer anymore, and I really must get on at least a bi-weekly update, since Bumblebee is just around the corner!!

On December 16th it will be 100 days until we have a baby, give or take errors in due date estimates. 100 days! That is.... not many! It is surprising how normal things get after only a short while, like slowly growing out of clothing one item at a time, or waking up 5 times a night (bathroom break every 2 hours like clockwork!), or eating breakfast on the weekend and then lounging on the couch, letting my baby kick the heck out of my insides and relishing in it for long periods of time. These moments of relaxation will be fleeting soon, I know, and I try to enjoy them.

As for today, I am 25 weeks 2 days, and feeling giant, although I know I will only get bigger and bigger as the weeks progress. Here is a photo I just snapped (really... I just ran into the bedroom to take it), not meant to be all emo and over exposed but it's dark in my apartment and the flash reflects off of the mirrors. 

 

Also, this sweater is my favorite and I cannot stop wearing it everywhere! I have only gained 4 pounds since losing 20 from morning/daytime/all the time sickness, which is mostly baby so I am in good shape so far I think, although definitely hungry most of the time!

When bumblebee kicks it is usually all over, but occasionally she kicks repeatedly straight down (not sure how she manages this) into my pelvis, and it reminds me of Riverdance. I am starting to save for one of those huge curly wigs stepdancers wear, so I can prepare her for her Irish Stepdancing future. Not really, she'll likely be as clumsy as Matt and me, so maybe a career in expensive foreign dancing is out, but for now, she's my little riverdancer.

In addition to the kicking and the belly growth, I looked at two day cares. Daycare is stupidly expensive - nearly an entire paycheck for me, someone making a teacher's salary, and that is ridiculous. I want to entrust my child to the very best, but it may be out of budget... how sad is that? In better news, we procured a 2-bedroom apartment and will be getting the keys on December 30th... can't wait to arrange things and settle into a new place before the baby comes! We laughingly found out that the apartment we are moving to is actually VISIBLE from the apartment we currently live in... should make moving easy, as it is literally in our backyard. Too bad all of our furniture is GIGANTIC... we will wrangle some people to help.

Well, I have no exciting news. Next doctor's visit it not until the New Year, and it is filled with delightful things like the non-fasting glucose screening and another painful RhoGam shot, which I did not enjoy last time. My darling and adorable niece Leila's birthday is New Year's Eve, and between her growing up and my pregnancy this year has been insanely fast!! I will try and update before Christmas but if I don't, dear Internet, Merry Christmas!

More than halfway; Defying Gravity..

We had our 20 week anatomy scan on Thursday, and all news was good news. Heart/brain/kidneys all looked good, lots of fingers and toes (well, not more than normal), looooong legs and arms (surprising, I know, with my giant husband), and big old feet.

Also...

Bumblebee is a girl, as Matt predicted. He is now very smug, and very happy. I am also happy and excited to have a little girl, we had no boy names that sat well with us and I think it's because in my head I kind of knew it was a girl. Or maybe I just don't like boy names and if she was a boy we would have named him Gertrude or Molly or something. I'm happy that Matt is happy, most of all, because he is likely to be less terrified of breaking a newborn when it is the preferred gender!

As of Tuesday we are more than halfway to Bumblebee buzzing in our arms, and it is exciting and also quite scary. We have a few items sent to us from Matt's relatives on the dining room table, and it is a strange feeling to know they will soon be covered in baby drool and snuggles.  Also, it seems she likes to nuzzle into my right side, so I have this hard lump on my right and feels like nothing on my left. That will likely not be pleasant when she is much larger than her current tininess. She moves when I move around but she seems to always end up on the right when I am asleep, no matter how I am laying, even if I am on my left and she must therefore be suspending herself toward the top of my uterus like an acrobat. (I know there is water in there, I just like to imagine her pushing her arms and legs outward and suspending herself like those people on Last Ninja Warrior in the spider run).

Bumblebee: Defying gravity already!